I chose to stay at home all the time because I believed that if I went out and lived the life of a normal person, something horrible would happen and I’d end up hurting others or myself. I used to believe that I was somehow not normal and that I didn’t belong here. I remember sitting on the couch and making myself sad by thinking about what a horrible person I was. I had to realize that these feelings were never my identity they could never define me because how I chose to see myself, despite my feelings, was my choice. I had so many issues that it was hard to view myself as sane. Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, phobia-you name it, I had it.
This has nothing to do with the person you actually are it solely depends on how you choose to view yourself. Whichever you choose you will become, since you believe that is who you really are, so you will ultimately behave that way. You can either view yourself as a victim or as the hero who lived through all the controversy. No matter what situation life presents us, we can always choose to view ourselves the way we want. We are the ones who choose to believe that they are real, when, in fact, they have nothing to do with reality. It’s not a coincidence that all the great spiritual masters spoke about detaching from our thoughts. The good news is: You are whoever you choose to be. This phase can pass after some time if we let it, but if we insist on clinging to the picture of ourselves in our minds, it will be harder to get through it. I believe we all go through dark phases when our image of ourselves breaks and we start thinking less of ourselves. This is not as easy to realize and even harder to accept, but it’s an important step toward a conscious life. We can cling to this idea about ourselves all we want, but that will not make it true. A picture we choose to believe no matter what. A picture of what we believe we are like.
We all have a picture of ourselves in our minds. “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~ James Allen
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